The historic echoes of sexism are going to be prevalent for a long time. Things are better but most will agree that in order to find true equality in society we still have some way to go. Most of the problems that remain are thankfully ingrained rather than legislative; although harder to be rid of, at least we have an infrastructure in place to make people conscious of the challenges still ahead. Attitudes towards image, pay, maternity requirements, gender roles and character barely scratch the surface, so what is it that keeps us from embracing true equality?
You have to draw parallels to other forms of prejudice such as racism, the idea that somehow another race is different and therefore less able or less worthy. When someone sees someone who is clearly different, human brains tend to draw comparisons. Is this difference a threat? Does it represent change or a better/worse way of life? Where does that leave me? It bears striking resemblance to how gender differences are exposed and exploited. The thing is I don’t think the two sexes are all that different, in fact I think far too much is made of imagined differences between men and women, just as imagined differences between people of different race divide racists.
All too often the big difference between men and women that is peddled is sex. Sex is sort of the mutually agreeable battle ground that the genders seemed to have agreed to fight on, only the media that caters for a patriarchal audience has stacked the odds. The myth that women don’t think or need sex as much as men, or that only men like porn or the worst double standard, that promiscuous men are to be applauded while their female equivalent are virtually to be burned at the stake is both morally wrong and inaccurate. Both men and women want and need sex; after all sex is practiced by both men and women usually together so how can both genders not be interested in it equally? I am naturally suspicious of anyone who assumes women somehow humour men’s disproportionately feral appetite for all things carnal, as if both men are unable to control their lust and women are amused yet somehow begrudging volunteers. Both genders deserve more credit than that.
Men and women aren’t that different, I know plenty of people belonging to both genders who prove at least to me that sex on the mind is a welcome affliction dished out in equal doses. We are as a society beginning to open up about this kind of thing but it will take generations before sexual equality is a mainstream view and with sexual equality you may have achieved equality elsewhere, for how we view members of the opposite sex will forever be linked with courtship.
What we need are people willing to expose sex for what it is, a communication between two or more equally minded people, consensual and honest. – you are the front line against the tirade of titilating nonsense unfortunately sold to us by the media because the idea of women liking sex as a novelty rather than a dull reality will always sell papers. Everyone should be making the effort to be upfront and honest about sex. If we normalise the idea culturally it will loose its lustre and cease to have the commercial intrigue required to sell sex scandals, kiss and tells and sensationalism. It’s true, sex sells – but let’s lift it to place which is noble, relatable and attractive rather than sully it with sleeze, embarrassment and fakery. Ignore the ignorant calls of slut, the sooner sex is seen for what it is and its devilish taboos are exorcised the better. All that will be then required is for men to prove that we can fall in love just as acutely as women do.
Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth
The Emerald 
> Most of the problems that remain are thankfully ingrained rather than legislative
This mainly applies to women. In the west men do not actually have any legal rights that women do not also have. However women do have many legal rights that men still have not been afforded.
> Attitudes towards image, pay, maternity requirements, gender roles and character barely scratch the surface
Yes, half of these are just examples of personal preferences, tastes and ‘cultural norms’, and not rights. The other half (pay, maternity leave) are examples where women have more rights/ privileges than men.
> You have to draw parallels to other forms of prejudice such as racism, the idea that somehow another race is different and therefore less able or less worthy.
Recognising the differences between races, or that different races are different, is not racism. Claiming that a person is inherently inferior/ superior due to race is racism, as is discriminating based on race.
> The thing is I don’t think the two sexes are all that different
Well biologically you’d be wrong. They have different reproductive organs, different body sizes and strengths and different hormones. The misguided idea that the sexes are not different is why feminists view the ‘patriarchal societies’ of the past as unfair. They do not realise that the lack of technology (no tractors, electric lights, telephones, trains, plastics, power tools etc) meant that in many areas manual labour was the only source of employment for most working class people. Therefore true gender equality in the workplace would have been unfair to women, given their reduced strength and stamina, relative to men… plus the burdens of pregnancy, childbirth, nursing etc.
In the modern world the differences between the sexes is just a large, but modern technology goes someway to make those differences irrelevant. Most people live in cities now, and most city jobs involve no manual labour or light (or machine assisted) manual labour.
For all the talk of ‘gender equality’, feminists do not campaign for women to be pushed into ‘male dominated’ jobs like garbage disposal, construction, fishing, logging, front line policing etc.
> Sex is sort of the mutually agreeable battle ground that the genders seemed to have agreed to fight on, only the media that caters for a patriarchal audience has stacked the odds
A lot of people do not view sex as a battleground. It’s mostly feminists who view sex in this way. A ‘patriarchal audience’ includes the millions of women who enjoy the traditional gender roles of male heroes who sacrifice themselves for the women they adore. Feminism itself is a rebranded version of patriarchy/ chivalry. Patriarchy’s “Women and children first” has been rebranded as feminism’s “He for She”.
> The myth that women don’t think or need sex as much as men
Most people do not think that.
>…., that promiscuous men are to be applauded while their female equivalent are virtually to be burned at the stake is both morally wrong and inaccurate.
Nobody burns women at the stake for being promiscuous. Historically men were punished for their misbehaviours … and often for the misbehaviours of their wives too. If a wife beat her husband the husband was punished. Men who are able to sleep with lots of women really have achieved something difficult, because in general women only sleep with men who have competed with other men to win her favour. But a woman who has slept with lots of men has not achieved anything, because a woman can get sex by just sitting on a bar stool and waiting for men to approach her. This is why having lots of sex for a woman is not an achievement.
> Both men and women want and need sex; after all sex is practiced by both men and women usually together so how can both genders not be interested in it equally?
They are both interested, but in general (and certainly historically) women have withheld sex in order to bargain for resources and protection from men. She makes herself pretty to attract men, and then denies men sex and encourages them to compete for her approval. Whichever man can prove he is able to offer her the most resources and protection is then allowed to have sex with her, but only after he has signed a contract agreeing to provide her with resources and protection for life (a marriage contract). This is how relationships worked for thousands of years. The same basic pattern of behaviour is seen throughout the animal kingdom. Obviously the reason for it is that women are vulnerable when they get pregnant and they – and their children – need a mate to provide resources and protection.
> I am naturally suspicious of anyone who assumes women somehow humour men’s disproportionately feral appetite for all things carnal, as if both men are unable to control their lust and women are amused yet somehow begrudging volunteers.
Women tend to play hard to get – often feigning a lack of sexual/ relationship interest – in order to test a man’s devotion, loyalty and commitment, and to see just how much resources he has. Women have always had more to lose than men when they have casual sex (contraception has only been effective for the last 50 years). A woman having casual sex risked getting pregnant without first securing a loyal mate to provide for her. She also risked STD’s and a bad reputation. Men do not want to devote their lives to providing for women who might be carrying another man’s child, and who might be so promiscuous they will sleep around… and so men do not value promiscuous women. So if a woman sleeps around and gets a reputation as a slut she will have to choose a mate from the bottom of the list of available men…. such as a fat, smelly, lazy, stupid man, rather than a handsome, kind, nice, loving, rich man. This is why women generally try to promote themselves as innocent, pure and sexually restrained.
> What we need are people willing to expose sex for what it is, a communication between two or more equally minded people, consensual and honest.
This is only true of recreational sex. Recreational sex did not really exist as a ‘lifestyle choice’ until the pill was invented.
> If we normalise the idea culturally
Most people accept that sex is normal.
> Ignore the ignorant calls of slut
They are not ignorant. A woman who is a slut is displaying traits that raise GENUINE red flags for any man looking for a proper relationship.
If you were hiring for a job position and a prospective employee told you he (or she) has had 12 jobs over the last three years, wouldn’t that raise some red flags for you?
If you just want to hire someone to hand out leaflets for the day (equivalent to casual sex) then it is hardly an issue. But if you are looking for a long term employee (equivalent to a GF or a wife) then this is a worrying sign.
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I think on most of what you say you are absolutely right.
100 years ago.
Times change as you elude to. Unfortunately it seems your attitudes towards women haven’t. You go as far to say that promiscuity should be seen as an achievement for men but not women and that women who are promiscuous are without value. This illustrates my whole article perfectly and the barriers women still have in front of them.
You final point misses your previous point entirely, your job analogy is gender neutral, it’s strikingly poor because none of your other comments are. You are holding women up to higher standards than men and your justification is what? Because you don’t like the idea of women having a bad reputation, yet it’s comments like these which propagate the slut shaming that only women suffer.
It’s not just rights women are after, it’s an equal footing culturally too. You don’t seem to be prepared to accept that.
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I have a deep sadness when I read your reply – I grew up and started work in the sixties and seventies – I am a woman and was excited when employment legislation enabled me to be paid for the work I did at a level that didn’t care about my gender just my work – I got a huge rise. I also enjoyed the growing opportunities for work. I could entertain you all evening with my stories attempting to get a job as a geologist for which I was well qualified. I rejoiced that if I ever had daughters they would not suffer in this way. I have two lovely daughters making their way in this world. When I read your response j so sad that the world is still in places a difficult place for a woman. We, each of us as individuals, have talents and things we do less well. These differences pan across the genders not landing by rote in either camp. Do you know we are one wonderful camp?
I hope you can find it in yourself to see the world for what it is – not what you think it is. With hope Sarah
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I need to add that this glorious encompassing of all our strengths regardless of gender has a glorious home in the Green Party. Here it is what you can do not not if you are man or a woman. Thank you Greens
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Men’s rights, women’ s rights ? Once you start making those divisions you have forgotten Human rights which state ‘all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights and are entitled to life, liberty and security of person.’
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Whilst I want to disagree with curiosetta’s comments, I don’t think they are entirely without credit.
I think we are in an age where we are starting to see more and more what Dave was talking about in his article and it is a present (to some degree) and a future we all long for.
However, as a society, as a whole, I don’t think we are their yet and many of the comments made by curiosetta are unfortunately true (though of course, there are many negative aspects of men’s behaviour that are not discussed here) I witnessed time and time again when growing up in the 90s (and still seeing in where I grew up in the 00s whenever I visited my home town) and travelling around as I do now around the country, I don’t think much has changed if I am honest (depressing as that is). Where I have seen this ‘behaviour’ happen for the most part is in very poor communities where many young men and women are leaving school with little prospects and often with no interests (hobbies, charity work, etc, etc).
Where I don’t really see it, is in more affluent areas (i.e. well educated) and from children that come from very pro-active parents who do encourage their children to aim for more in life, to develop a profession, to live independently.
Let’s be clear, I am all for equality across the sexes and ‘old thinking’ to be a thing of the past, I just worry that by not looking at the reality of the society we live in, we deny there is a problem and therefore our political masters are not pushed into improving our society.
Personally, I think we need to ensure all our children are leaving school with prospects, that we try and foster an interest in a hobby, that we build young person’s confidences and that we make it easier for parent’s to engage with with their children.
Which is why I joined the Green Party as I believe they have the vision to make the difference needed to create a fair and sustainable future.
That is why an almost decade of recession and probably another decade of ‘austerity’ is going to prolong the problems our society faces for generations. On top of this, the Tories, Labour, LibDems and the policy-less UKIP have NO vision to rectify the situation; so until we can turn 3.7% into 50% the other parties are going to continue to cause large sections of our communities to remain in poverty and without hope.
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